suicide

I nearly left the earth today nearly skipped away to the grave
I nearly left you all alone and went away
I nearly said goodbye to my pain
My mind was finally at peace and stopped thinking
whilst in my attempt I had peace
a moment of clarity
but then the lights came on
I dream of death I see my death as clear as the sun and the sky
so why am I still fighting to win this war.
when it would be easier to give it all away
life is such a rollercoaster
such a struggle with the emotional blackmail
the days of yesterday still live like they are present.
why is suicide still a real option
that I can do and succeed
I cannot find the answers.